Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Well… we’re coming home without surgery.

I just got a call from the hospital that my surgery is cancelled due to COVID numbers surging. They have only 3 ICU beds available in the entire hospital.

It’s a massive setback, but I kind of half expected this to happen, so I’m not totally surprised. The frustrating part for me is that I asked the hospital last week, “Hey, COVID numbers are surging. What are the chances that my surgery will be cancelled?” The answer I got was, “Oh, that won’t be a problem.”

For now, I’m handling the news okay. Maybe it will hit me later. I’ve been suffering for 10+ years and this has become my new normal. I don’t think the possibility of a pain-free life had actually sunk in yet anyway.

We’ll be making the 2-day drive back to Oregon starting tomorrow.

I felt worse for the person who had to give me the bad news than I felt for myself. The poor guy sounded like he was near tears. I think his day has been filled with giving people very bad news. I’ve talked to him many times over the last couple of months and he’s truly one of the kindest, most helpful people I’ve been in contact with through this ordeal.

He said that they are even cancelling surgeries for pancreatic cancer. As you might know, that’s one of the more aggressive cancers.

He mentioned that I would be near the top of the list when they do finally open up for surgery again. Of course, those cancer patients would come first. His best guess is that it would be 2-3 weeks. Honestly, I’m thinking that it will be February or March.

When You Don’t Take COVID Seriously, It’s Not Just You Who Suffers

While I have such compassion for the people hospitalized with COVID who are fighting for their lives, there’s a part of me that also feels frustration and anger at Americans in general.

The reason COVID is surging is because so many people ignored safety precautions for gatherings like Halloween and Thanksgiving. That cavalier attitude is literally killing people right now. There are families who chose to gather at Thanksgiving who will bury loved ones by Christmas. And it didn’t have to happen.

And yet, as I look around, I still see people not wearing masks. I still see people gathering in person.

Honestly, I just don’t understand what it will take. The last few days have been some of the deadliest in America’s recent history, at least when it comes to unusual, preventable mass deaths. The worst is yet to come. And yet, it seems like so many people just don’t care.

It’s beyond tragic that people are dying of COVID. My situation can’t remotely compare to what they are going through. And yet, as I’ve said before, there is a ripple effect to people like me, or worse. People with debilitating and life-threatening conditions like pancreatic cancer are suffering and may die because Americans just aren’t willing to take COVID seriously. We’re so unwilling to sacrifice for the good of others or even our own selves.

Please understand. You might get COVID and recover just fine. Maybe you’ve already had it and think you don’t need to take precautions now. But your example influences other people. You might be fine, but other people are dying. There’s more people in this world than just you.

What’s Next

• Celebrate that we’ll be home for Christmas. If I had surgery on 12/10/20 as planned, we very likely wouldn’t have been home until after Christmas.

• Be a bit bummed that I’ll still be in pain and won’t be having real food for Christmas. Oh well.

• Be glad that I cleared my work calendar for most of December. I’ll pick up some projects now, but I’ll be able to enjoy more time off that I would have otherwise.

• Keep working the process for getting surgery somewhere, sometime. I had just cancelled the Utah option on the phone today. I haven’t cancelled Seattle or Connecticut yet, so those could happen. Los Angeles is obviously still in the running, too. It may come down to who can get me in first. If it comes down to Seattle and Los Angeles opening up at the same time, I don’t know who I would choose. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

• Pack up for a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggg 2-day drive back to Portland, Oregon.

P.S. You know what’s really crazy? At one point, I had the option of a Los Angeles surgery TODAY, 12/8/20! Had I chosen 12/8 instead of 12/10, I would be done with surgery at this very moment. I think that decision is going to gnaw at me over the next few days…